I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
