i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
