I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
