Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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