I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
