you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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