last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
