I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
