I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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