five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
