ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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