I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
