Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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