Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
