i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
