I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize