I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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