Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
