don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize