bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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