if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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