I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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