forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
