The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
