yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
