she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
