someone get that fucking seahorse.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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