Pants 0. Shit 1.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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