Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
