When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
