dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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