Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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