I think my vagina is haunted
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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