I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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