The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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