The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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