Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
