my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize