Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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