a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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