We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize