I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
