dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
