I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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