somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am mentally ready for anal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
