Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
