I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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