He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im part way to drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
