We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize