Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
