Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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