You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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