At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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