Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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