Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
