so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
