this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize