Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
