We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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