sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
