After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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