I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so let's talk penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
