Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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