Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
