Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
