Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize