i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize