last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You can't special order awesome
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
