So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
nutella sex= disaster
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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