You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
