i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
