My pussy is not your playground.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize