Your face is a jimmy john
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
