I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
