Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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