i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
