i was rollin on her like bob the builder
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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