What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
